Love, Loss, and God

A year ago today I excitedly drove to the hospital to meet a precious baby boy named Leo, just an hour old. And as I left the hospital that day and got to my car I received a phone call from my mom. She was crying. A dear family friend had just passed away, leaving his wife and three school-aged children behind. I had known this man my whole life and one car accident took him away from us in a moment. This was the greatest juxtaposition of life and death that I had ever experienced and to this day, I do not know what to make of it.

Early this morning, I walked out to my mailbox and received the official bridesmaid invitation for my best friend’s wedding and again, it’s life and death and marriage all wrapped up in a day. And what is to be made of it all?

There was a time in my life when I would turn to God first in response to grief or pain or joy, but these days I feel frozen in place, too weak to reach out to a God I will never be able to understand. But I know, that even in these moments, God is near and I am thankful for a Holy Spirit that cries out to Him in praise and in pain even when I, myself am numb and silent.

Happy Birthday, Leo, you precious precious boy! I love you so much and I know that God has great plans for you.

Chuck, we miss you. Your legacy is not forgotten. You are not forgotten.

Chantal, I am honored to stand by your side in this time of joy, just as we have stood by each other in times of grief.

God, your praise will ever be on my lips. Thank you for every breath and every moment.

(Originally published on August 4th, 2018 @unsimplysara Instagram)